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‘Sex is Confusion’ and other anxieties

I haven’t this read yet, but did a quick scan, and my general opinion of what most men find attractive in women or look for in partner is simply muddled confusion and contradictions. From this list of young hipsters and London professionals, I don’t think  it comes close to answering questions about love and modern relationships in the digital age. http://www.vice.com/…/we-asked-a-load-of-men-to-tell-us-wha…

I was thinking of starting a discussion about the state of personal relationships between the sexes, who these work, issues and politics, I’d heard something interesting recently that although men in general (politically, historically and culturally) have a kindof patriarchal authority over women (hence the cultural and political purpose of women’s rights and feminist movements), in relationships and sex, men secretly want to be in a dominated/passive role (unfortunately quite a long video but check it at 51.15),

not the person in control that has to workout how to charm or make the first move (this probably explains my lack of success in this area); and somewhat explains the existence of Alpha males, body-image, lad culture and clichéd status symbols – and this probably is just as relevant satires like Chaucer’s Wife of Bath as it is to Sarah Jessica Parker (Sex in the City) – money and power make us sexy, and this is a theme which is also part of feminism. In fact, once even my older sister, a self-confessed man-hater, said that relationships were essentially about who controls the sex, fortunately she eventually managed to divorce her duchebag husband.

I’d also happened to see a short notice on the company news feed, I’m currently employed with, about a recent tribunal for sexual harassment that simply said that the company valued all it’s employees and the case was acquitted. I could find just one report of the case in the Daily Mail from last year http://www.dailymail.co.uk/…/Affairs-lewd-antics-sexist-Cit….

The most interesting thing about this, is that two years ago I was also accused of inappropriate behaviour towards my female line manager, along with other performance related issues, and summarily dismissed for misconduct. Incredibly, this happened simultaneous to the birth of my son, and more critically, several months after I’d found the courage to finally tell them I’d been receiving treatment for depression, and had done for several years. I’d never denied I’d acted stupidly, only the allegations and evidence appeared to be vastly taken out of proportion, purely for punitive disciplinary reasons. https://holybatsex.com/…/the-equality-act-2010-the-capabil…/ I can only describe that experience, which last more than a year, as exhausting and surreal. But, in hindsight, had a not felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, I would have done things differently and tried alot harder not to irritate my boss.

In publishing it felt like being a man seemed a detriment on the interpersonal/popularity front, where my performance and progress seemed to depend on whether the low-paid, hen-pecked young women who slave in scientific publishing liked me. It does seem that there are more older men in my current job, and women are mostly in the minority, although my two managers are both women, despite that their managers are men. In both instances, I do feel that the key difference is that my seat in the boys club is already laid out and waiting, if I want it (which I don’t, just money and freedom from bullshit), whereas women must somehow prove they can do the job first. I could be wrong about this.

 

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